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As the holidays approach, it’s hard not to think about the experience of giving and receiving gifts. When I was a child, it was all about quantity and receiving gifts from others! My joy was based on whether or not I got as many things as the people around me. The same applied for giving; more gifts equaled better job! With time and maturity, that has changed; so much so, that sometimes when family and friends ask what I want, I can honestly say I don’t need anything at all! And now, I experience more happiness in finding that perfect gift for someone else. It feels so good when you know you hit the nail on the head and you see the person’s face as they open your gift. As I think about the most profound gifts I’ve received, they share one thing in common. It’s not how much they cost or how enviable they were at the time; what made these gifts so special is that they were personal and thoughtful. They became part of my identity and shaped who I became. Such gifts include the chalices and vestments I use at Mass, many of the tools I use to create furniture, and the patient, generous introduction I was given to learning by good movies and books, and experiences of life-renewing hobbies like hiking. So many gifts which have shaped and formed who I am and how I see the world!!
Today’s first reading from Isaiah lists what we Catholics call the gifts of the Holy Spirit; divine treasures that God shares with us, not because he has to, but because he wants to. These spiritual gifts become part of who we are as his children, if we use them. Strangely enough, the most prominent gift listed is not generally considered the crowd favorite. The prophet says it is the fear of the Lord that will bring delight to God’s anointed. Even more so than wisdom, understanding, counsel, strength, and knowledge. But what is the fear of the Lord? Haven’t most of us been conditioned from an early age to approach God with confidence and joy? Is fearing the Lord some old-school theology where we see God as a terrifying, brutal, angry deity who will strike us down if we make one false move? Not at all! The holy gift of fearing the Lord is not based in terror or dread.
The fear of the Lord which is healthy, holy, and delightful combines the qualities of love and respect. It is “loving respect” and “respectful love.” To fear someone in this sense is to love them and respect them at the same time. We might see this more clearly if we look at it in the negative: where there is no respect, there is no love. This dynamic applies to all human relationships. Where there is no respect inside a marriage, there will be a lack of love as well. Where there is no respect in a family, there will be a shortage of love too. This can be especially helpful to our young people who are dating and entering serious relationships. No matter what someone says, no matter how smooth or romantic they are, if they do not respect you, they will not love you properly. Love and respect always go hand in hand.
So how does this apply to our relationship with God? Well, when I have a proper fear of the Lord, I choose to obey God and walk in his ways because I love him and want to please him. The fear of the Lord is an intentional and ongoing attitude that causes me to choose, again and again, to obey God even when it might be easier to do something else. I make that choice because I love God and want to please him. The fear of the Lord is not cringing fear or terror, which is respect without love. And it is not irreverent casualness, which is love without respect.
This principle is clearest in my mind when I think of my parents. Though they could be strict at times, I never doubted that they loved me. At the same time, I never forgot they were my parents and I was their son. I would have died before I called them by their first names and probably would have died if I had called them my “old man” or “old lady”. Whatever their faults, I wouldn’t talk about them here. Like most kids, I wanted to be like my parents and to please them. I looked up to them. I wanted to hear them say, “Son, I’m proud of you” and I consider myself blessed to know that they are. I love my parents and have never been ashamed to call them mom and dad, even now as a grown man.
Seen in that light, the fear of the Lord is not in conflict with love. It’s what real love is all about. A healthy sense of fear can be a positive motivation for doing right. It moves us not simply to behave for God but to be our best out of love for him. We approach God with a healthy dose of respect, knowing that although he needs nothing, he chooses to love us unconditionally and give us everything. Fear is reserved only for the things that would separate us from him, dread for our sins that hurt the heart of God who loves us without limit. This sort of loving respect is the basis of our relationship with God. When I choose to fear the Lord, I am choosing out of respect and love to do the things that please him. All that I do in my life comes back to this principle. The fear of the Lord is thus the most positive attitude you can have toward God and that is why it is the most delightful of all his gifts.
In this advent season, let us be bold and ask God to give us every spiritual gift. Most especially though, let us ask to delight in the fear of the Lord, to love him and respect him so much, that we would never wander from him and only bring joy to his heart!
