Holy Desperation (30th Sunday, Year B)

  This week, as I was trying to pull something together for the weekend preaching, I looked over previous homilies. Not surprisingly, they all centered on the star of the show in today’s Scriptures, Blind Bartimaeus. In past preaching, the message was pretty straightforward: don’t listen to the voices around you, scolding you to be quiet, telling you to leave Jesus alone, he is too busy, too important for you. Be bold, don’t give up, trust! These messages are all true and I stand by all of it. But something different has jumped out at me this time around, something I hadn’t quite lingered on before so I would like to focus on that.

These last few years have been really hard. I can only speak for myself but I think many of you can relate. It’s not really one thing in particular but a whole series of battles, frustrations, hurts, and losses. After a while, they all add up. I start to wonder, is something wrong with me? Is everyone going through this level of resistance, pushback, anger, and insecurity? Is this how life looks from here on out? No matter how much I do, no matter how hard I try, so much seems to be incomplete and insufficient! I feel like Covid was the beginning of a whole culture shift not only in our society but also in the Church. After we limped out of that whole mess, we went right into All Things New. After hobbling through that, we had a brief repose and now a highly contentious election. As a priest and preacher, I feel like more and more of my life and work is a white-knuckle ride. Some days I simply pray, “Lord, just get me through this next appointment” or “help me survive this day”. In my more reflective moments, I step back and wonder: can I keep up this pace, can I continue to listen, to exercise patience and empathy, and find joy in living a life of service for 30 more years?! I am ashamed to say, some days, I just don’t know or I continue on because I don’t know if I could do anything else.

I am not sharing this to seek affirmation or pity for myself. Although the details of your struggle are different, can’t you also relate to those seasons in life where the hits keep coming? Where you can’t seem to do anything right, when everything keeps breaking, where your best efforts aren’t quite good enough, and no matter how hard you work, you feel further and further behind? I believe you know exactly how this feels because it is part of being human, with flaws, shortcomings, and limitations. Ultimately, what gets me through these moments is the hope that a solution will present itself, that tomorrow will be better, that I can fake it until I make it, and this rough patch won’t last forever. I’d love to tell you that the thing that always drives me is complete faith and hope in God. But sometimes, it is more like: I can try harder tomorrow. I still have something left in the tank. There is one more thing I can try. My personal persistence will win.

Let’s go to Bartimaeus. Until experiencing my own prolonged weariness and desolation, I don’t think I appreciated how desperate and lonely he was. Bartimaeus, blind and begging, was nothing, he had nothing, he could do nothing. For so many around him, he had become invisible, an annoyance at best, someone others wished would just disappear. For Bartimaeus, there was no “tomorrow will be better”. For him it was, tomorrow I will still be blind, I will still be asking asking people for support who wish I would just go away. Even those who helped, many did so with contempt, after dispensing preachy advice and judgement. Bartimaeus knew this degrading, dark, miserable routine was his future, until the day he died. There was no miracle cure for blindness waiting in a doctor’s office. There was absolutely nothing he could do to save or heal himself, no matter how badly he wanted it. 

We might not think of it at first but in this forsaken, terrible situation, Bartimaeus is actually more free than most of us! He knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he cannot save or heal himself. He has nothing left to lose when Jesus passes by that fateful day outside of Jericho. A person with more personal resources, someone who had a reputation to protect or worried at all about what others think would just keep their mouth shut. Not Bartimaeus!!! “Jesus, son of David, have pity on me”, he cries out! And here is the heart of what I want to share with you today/tonight. Do you think Bartimaeus said this quietly and calmly? ….. NO!!! I am confident his cry sounded more like a wounded animal than human speech. This was a sound that would give us goose bumps and make the hair on our necks stand up. How do you think it sounded for Jesus to hear someone cry out from the depths of a broken heart? It was a primal scream, complete desperation, the sound of someone who knew this was their last chance. Bartimaeus realized if Jesus wouldn’t stop and help, the rest of his life was condemned to the darkness he had been living. Tomorrow would not be better. That is why Bartimaeus didn’t listen to the voices around him, telling him to be quiet, to stop making a fool of himself, to stop bothering Jesus. The similar voices inside of Bartimaeus that said these same things had already been silenced; the opinions and judgements of others no longer had any power.

Psalm 34 says, “The Lord is near to the broken-hearted.” Jesus cannot ignore Bartimaeus or anyone who has exhausted all their options and now realizes only Jesus can help them. As I reflect on the holy, heartbreaking desperation of Bartimaeus, I realize I still put far too much stock in my abilities, my reputation, my efforts, my accomplishments, and my resources. Even in my darkest moments, I have not yet cried out to Jesus as though he is my last and only hope. I still let the voices in and around me shush me to silence instead of crying out even louder, with all my might, until my voice cracks, my lungs burn, and nothing is held back.

What about you? Are you also under the illusion that you are self-sufficient and able to save yourself? Are you embarrassed and shy, willing to be invisible as Jesus passes by because of what you might lose by screaming for Jesus to save you, to heal you, to open your eyes?!

Jesus, give us the holy desperation of Bartimaeus! Jesus, help us to see that only you can save us, only you can heal us, without you, we are utterly poor! Jesus, we want to see. Jesus, Son of David, Son of God, have mercy on us!!

When In Doubt, Choose Service! (29th Sunday, Year, B)

  There are lots of perks to being a priest! You get to meet incredible people, you never have to worry about finding a seat in church, and the majority of my daily work is meaningful and directly tied to people’s lives. One of the secondary benefits of being a priest, especially serving as pastor, is that you learn lots of interesting, random things you probably wouldn’t otherwise know. As a naturally curious person, I find this wonderful! One of the things I’ve learned a lot about is boilers and my education is usually renewed around this time of year when we turn them on for the first time. Inevitably, what happens is that a room or two will be blazing hot because the thermostat controlling the radiator in that space loses its mind. I asked the repair tech why it always seems the failure causes an overheated room rather than having no heat at all. His response was that it is by design! Whenever there is a problem, whenever something isn’t quite right, the system is designed to fail OPEN, to error on the side of sending heat. I asked why this was. He replied that it is much cheaper and easier to open a window to cool down a hot room than to clean up a flood from a frozen pipe in a room that got too cold. I never would have thought about that but this failsafe made total sense. When in doubt, send heat!

A similar sort of failsafe is proposed in today’s gospel. Jesus had become incredibly popular at this point of his ministry, working miracles, attracting huge crowds, and some are even trying to make him king. James and John can sense the authority and power Jesus has and they want some of it for themselves. James and John ask Jesus for places of honor, one at his right and one at his left. But they want it for the wrong reasons. They want this power so they can be in charge and enjoy the worldly perks of prestige and rank. Jesus patiently reminds them that his followers must use any power and authority they receive as leverage to serve others. The failsafe for Christians is this: when in doubt, choose to serve rather than to be served. True greatness is using ourselves and our gifts to help others. 

Leadership, of course, is essential. Power is necessary. Power makes decisions and gets things done. But all power eventually corrupts unless it is grounded in the teachings of Jesus Christ. And leaders include not just the high and mighty CEOs, but us: parents, principles, managers, teachers, board members, policemen, scoutmasters, pastors, doctors —- anyone who has authority or leads the lives of others. In the Christian life all such leaders, including you and me, are servants who are there “not to be served but to serve and to give their lives as a ransom for many.” That radical teaching - and it is outrageously radical if you think about it - is a deep spirituality to live by, a necessary and humble default a Christian must embrace. The more power I have, the more service I must render, the more aware of others I must be.

You and I are called to be servant-leaders of whatever power or authority has been given to us. What are some practical ways we can know if we are imitating Christ’s example? First, servant leaders pay attention to the rank-and-file people around them. No person, no matter what their education, influence, or occupation, is dismissed or looked down on. How about us? How do we treat the people who work the cash register, prepare our meal, repair our homes and vehicles, or pick up the trash? Are we kind, polite, and aware of them as individuals? Do we remember their name, learn about their lives and families, and sincerely ask how they are doing? When they answer, do we listen? Secondly, servant leaders learn to think communally, not selfishly. What goes into our decision-making? Is it only about profit, sales, career, getting ahead, or what benefits me? Are there considerations to the long-range impact on the family, the community, or the environment? Finally, servant leaders strive for that humility which enables them to ask if they're part of the problem. They’re not afraid to be accountable to others and accept constructive criticism, knowing they’re far from perfect. Are we someone people feel they can challenge and correct or are we unapproachable? I think this is the most difficult of the three to adopt and embrace. Very rarely does correction come from someone who is blameless or flawless. And sometimes 90% of what they are saying doesn’t apply. But with an open heart, we can grow from the 10% that does. We should never forget that without challenging feedback, any one of us can become a tyrant. 

Let’s return to James and John who wanted the privilege, power, and position without the cross; they want his leadership without serving others. It must've been totally embarrassing when, at the end of the day, there were two lowly thieves, one at Jesus’ right and one at His left as he prepared to enter his heavenly kingdom. Not quite what they first imagined, but it made Jesus’ point.

We might wonder: did James and John and the others eventually get the message? Did they get to drink from the same chalice Jesus drank? I think so. About 12 years after Jesus' death, James was the first apostle to suffer martyrdom. Tradition adds that Andrew was tied to a cross, Bartholomew was skinned alive, Peter was crucified upside down in Rome, the other James was thrown from the Temple roof, Thomas was run through with a lance in the East Indies, Jude was pierced with arrows, Philip was hanged; only John escaped a gruesome death. Interestingly enough, he was the only apostle present during the crucifixion.  

We probably won’t have to go so far as martyrdom, but we must recognize the gospel message clearly states that worldly power and position are on the other side of servant leadership: followers of Jesus do not sit and wait to be served. They stand in solidarity with the world's most famous foot-washer and they serve everyone regardless of social status. And they do so with clear intentions of God’s love and joy because that is where true greatness is found! Our failsafe must always be to serve! In putting others first, we achieve true greatness and everlasting power that cannot be lost!

Don't Settle for Less! (28th Sunday, Year B)

Every child has heard some version of the following lines from their parents and no matter how it was said, we all disagreed with every fiber of our being. “This is for your own good”, “One day you will thank me”, “This hurts me more than it hurts you”! Perhaps we received this reply when we asked if we could have dessert instead of dinner, go over to a friend’s house instead of doing homework, get out of being grounded, or simply wanted to go to bed without brushing our teeth. Despite what we thought at the time, these experiences of tough love came from people who cared about us, who wanted the very best for us, and who refused to let us settle for less. These people were our parents, teachers, mentors, clergy and true friends. 

In my own experience, there were many instances of this. One in particular involved my spelling homework in grade school. Every week, I was expected to learn 28 new words with an exam on Friday. In preparation for this weekly test, Mom also required me to use the word in a sentence and not simply memorize the spelling. So I was supposed to write 28 sentences every week. Did my mother think I was Charles Dickens? I was lazy and hated to write so this was pure torture. At first I listed all 28 words and added the phrase, “are my spelling words” to complete a single sentence using all of them. That apparently was not acceptable. What followed was a weekly battle between me and my mom to write as few sentences as possible while using as many words at a time to form a tortured phrase of limited literary value. Here are a few: The creature ran in the evening to conceal the cheese (4). The storage of a harvest of pig hearts was in the port of a harbor (5). In the colonial days, pioneers hustled to get several level, equal, settlements (7).

My poor mother had to put up with this nonsense for years, fighting with me to accept my spelling homework and actually use the words in a way that was coherent. She could have said spelling the words correctly was good enough but she wanted more than just rote memorization for me. At the time I thought she was cruel and crazy; why did I need to understand how to spell and use so many words!! In the end I am so grateful she challenged me to do more than I was willing to settle for. In my work and ministry, I use my words all the time and I am forever grateful!

In our gospel today, we have a rich young man who is truly good. He has kept the commandments from his youth and he is wondering if there is something more he can do. He is not just trying to get by with the bare minimum like I was. It would have been easy for Jesus to look at him and say, “you are doing better than just about everyone else these days.” But God never compares us to other people; He looks at us with a love that acknowledges our goodness but also calls us to be better as we seek to follow him. Jesus desires the absolute best for each of us, whatever that is in our individual circumstance. The gospel today is about Love’s challenge, about God wanting the very best of what is possible and not allowing us to settle for less, which we are so often content to do. 

The secret to seeking this holy excellence is found in the first reading from wisdom. King Solomon reigned over the most prosperous and peaceful eras the Chosen People ever experienced. The Lord appeared to the young king and promised him anything he desired. Imagine the thoughts that must have gone through Solomon’s mind. Should he ask for unlimited power? Endless riches? Ceaseless pleasure? Perfect health? Certainly we would rank these requests high on our list. But instead of these, he begs the Lord for something much more subtle and profound. He asks for Wisdom, one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and all the other gifts followed.

So what is this wisdom that Solomon received? It is really the combination of three traits working together in perfect unity. True wisdom is the blending of knowledge, experience, and good judgment to inform every decision a person makes. This harmony of knowledge, experience, and good judgment makes a person wise and able to see things for what they are, both good and bad. A wise person has perspective when it comes to setbacks and disappointments, he knows what to fight for and when to concede. The people who possess wisdom know the right order for living, how to make good choices, avoid evil, and most importantly, how to have the right priorities. With wisdom, we are willing to ask God, what more can I do, what needs to be let go of, to be closer to you?

A truly wise person can live with incredible wealth or complete poverty and still be happy. And whether they find themselves surrounded by friends or under siege by enemies, they still find peace. And in any other circumstance you can think of, good or bad, the wise person has all they really need because their strength and joy and comfort come first from the Lord, who never breaks his promises and who never stops protecting those who call upon him in faith. 

Our readings today require us to look inward and ask if we are truly wise. Have we asked God for his gift of knowledge, experience, and good judgement to live within us? Are we humble enough to accept the lessons that wisdom teaches us, lessons that often require letting go of something good to receive something even better? Can we believe that if we seek his wisdom then everything else that matters will be given in abundance? Or will we falter like the rich young man, whom Jesus saw and loved and invited to draw one step closer to perfection and eternal life? Will we go away sad because we cannot escape the power which worldly things have over us? Are we willing to settle for less instead of letting go and striving for the best?

To possess wisdom and live wisely is not easy, in fact on our own we won’t get there. But with the help of God’s grace, learning from him in daily prayer, he will share this wisdom freely. May we be wise enough to put the things of this world in their proper place and when Christ invites us to trust and follow him, may we joyfully answer yes, without sadness or hesitation.