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To kick off today’s homily, I first want to wish all of the dads present a very happy and blessed Fathers’ Day. Please know of our gratitude for your faithful witness and self-sacrifice, which are edifying and inspiring. After communion we will offer a special blessing for all dads.
The importance of present, engaged, faithful, and loving fathers cannot be overstated. While this seems obvious to anyone with a modicum of common sense, there is also hard evidence that demonstrates the key role dads play in the development of healthy children and functional homes. In a healthy, holy society, both fatherhood and motherhood are revered equally as two vocations that compliment each other rather than compete.
But if we hope to understand what fatherhood truly is and what defines a good dad, we must first know what it is that makes a man. In our confused times, where some struggle to answer the question, “what is a woman”, we cannot assume everyone agrees on the same thing. Is true masculinity determined by the car a guy drives, say, a big truck with huge tires and lift kit or a fast coupe with obscene amounts of horsepower? Is it related to having a massive collection of tools on his workbench and being able to fix anything? Is it decided by the grooming products he chooses? If so, it seems guys better choose Calvin Klein, Gillette, Axe, or Old Spice which are apparently irresistible to beautiful women! Is it bestowed on males who make a lot of money, hold important jobs, or reach a certain rank? Does one have to reach a magical height, have a thick head of hair, wear certain clothes, or have larger than average muscles and lower than average body fat? I could go on and on, but you get the picture.
In our culture, there are many different opinions on what makes a man. Some of these come from companies, trying to market their products by preying on fundamental male insecurities. Other views come from different cultural traditions and family customs. Still others come from religious sources, both progressive and traditional.
It seems all these ideas boil down to three basic theories or possibilities of what defines a man. They are as follows:
- A man is someone who is brutishly strong (emotionally, physically, mentally). To fit this description, the man must be able to dominate, take what he wants, and keep others in line on account of fear and sheer strength. The more macho, the more masculine. In this view, men don’t cry, they don’t ask for/read directions (ever), they should avoid apologizing even when they know they are wrong, and they should run from feelings, pedicures, and skinny jeans like their life depends on it. This view could probably be described as somewhat traditional but on steroids.
- A man is a helpless fool. He is like an overgrown infant, hardly able to tie his own shoes or contribute to his family. In fact, if it weren’t for his hyper-resourceful wife and perpetually-annoyed children, this man might not survive. This view of manhood, often depicted in children’s shows and commercials, sees the man as a cosmic joke, emasculated, and burdensome. He is patiently tolerated by those who must care for him and deal with his countless mistakes and buffoonery. This is the complete opposite view from the first.
- A man is simply a grown-up adolescent. He is forever stuck in his high school or college glory days of goofing off, hanging out with buddies, and trying to have a “good time.” This man lives for the weekend when he can escape work and responsibility. He dreams of expensive toys, man-caves, sports (real or fantasy), fishing, hunting, and trying to hide from a nagging spouse, who always finds the things he does wrong. This view is a strange mutation of the first two.
There is, of course, one other example of what it means to be a man. It is open to every male, regardless of income, pedigree, or any worldly measurement. This archetype produces true men and loving fathers in every respect but is ignored or rejected by many as foolish, outdated, or impossible. This ideal is embodied in the person of Christ, who, while remaining God, came among us as a man. Jesus is literally the perfect man and as he told the apostles, anyone who has seen him has seen the Father. But Jesus did not come simply to be admired as a sort of heavenly novelty or impossible example. By following his teachings and receiving God’s grace, every man can learn what it takes to be good spouse, father, friend and masculine presence. There is actually an objective standard!
So, what qualities do we see reflected in Christ, attributes that show men how to be the person others need them to be? When we look at Jesus, we see a man who is strong, so strong in fact, that he carries the world’s sins on his back. He is powerful too. He can change water into wine, heal the sick, and raise the dead. However, he never uses his strength or power for his own selfish gain, rather he puts it completely at the service of God and neighbor. All of his works point back to God and help to alleviate the suffering of those who are sick, poor, ignored, and unwanted. Jesus is also decisive; he is not wishy-washy or weak. He is not afraid to teach or lead, always doing so by example. He does not take advantage of those who are vulnerable but protects to the point of laying down his life. His tendency is to give rather than take. He is generous, merciful, compassionate, just, and honest. His actions are defined by calmness, kindness, warmth, and justice. He brings out the best in those around him, he empowers them with his patient guidance. He is willing to endure criticism and misunderstanding while doing the right thing; popularity or comfort do not determine his course of action.
If this sounds too good to be true, too impossible for our men, for the fathers of families, well, it is….if we try and do it by ourselves. The virtues on display in the person of Christ, are available and attainable for every man who gives himself, both the good and the bad, over to God. Like clay in the hands of a skillful sculptor, the Lord can and will make something magnificent out of our lives. God may not ask us to do the exact same things as Jesus but he will enable us to live in the same way, by the same principles. Our world, our Church, and most importantly, our families need Christian gentleman as our dads, spouses, brothers, bosses, co-workers, priests, and friends. The sad thing about our culture is not that it expects too much of our men; instead, it has been content to settle for so little! On this father’s day, let us lift up the men in this church, the men in our families, let us lift them up to God in prayer and support them in their call to be the face of Christ for us and for the world. Nothing could be better, nothing could be more masculine!
