There's Something We Need To Talk About...(23rd Sunday, Year A)

 To listen to this homily, click here.

Last week’s Scriptures encouraged us to consider our relationship with the Truth. Are we willing to speak it, defend it, and even suffer for it, when God’s truth makes us unpopular or unwelcome? Last week’s readings also confronted us with another question; are we willing to hear the truth about ourselves, even when it is difficult or requires change on our part? In my own self-reflection, I have to admit that sometimes I have been willing to compromise the truth or remain silent because there is part of me that would rather be popular, accepted, and free from conflict. There are other times where I get defensive about hearing the truth about myself, especially my faults or failures. I have been tempted to lash out, to be critical of those offering correction rather than humbly receiving feedback as an opportunity to grow in virtue and excellence. Perhaps you can think of similar moments in your own experience?! Last week’s Scriptures made it clear that to be in friendship with God, we must be committed to truth, no matter where it leads us. Today’s Scriptures continue that theme but now apply it to our friendships with others!

In the first reading, God says to Ezekiel, “You, son of man, I have appointed watchman for the house of Israel; when you hear me say anything, you shall warn them for me. If I tell the wicked, "O wicked one, you shall surely die, and you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way, the wicked shall die for his guilt, but I will hold you responsible for his death.” God goes on to tell Ezekiel if he warns the wayward sinner and is ignored, it is no longer the prophet’s problem; he has done his job. That is an important reminder for us too! We are responsible for speaking the truth in our vocations but we are not responsible for the results. We cannot control whether a person accepts God’s truth but we must make sure they have a chance to hear it. The gospel builds on this theme of truthful but loving correction as Jesus lays out a process of charitable confrontation to be used when someone has fallen into sin. 

Both of these readings, with their mandate to correct the sinner, to share difficult truths in love, fly in the face of what our feelings-first, anything goes, morally-subjective society tells us to do. Our culture often preaches that we should never rock the boat, that offending someone is the worst sin we could ever commit. Ahhh, but the Word of God offers another perspective, which is certainly more challenging but also more loving. 

Just as He told the prophet Ezekiel, God tells us, ‘you are a watchman, a watchwoman for my kingdom. If we see someone doing wrong and say nothing; we are in some way responsible too!’ We are our brothers’ and sisters’ keepers, with two important caveats: 1) we are dealing primarily with major moral issues and 2), we always examine our own lives 1st before confronting another! If we truly love every person, we should want them to share in the truth of God’s saving and loving commandments. We are never confronting someone to win them over to our view or our opinions (that would be proud and arrogant) but to share God’s truth. We have to want what is best for them, which is not just earthly comfort or contentment but everlasting happiness in heaven. Many times that will mean supporting others with encouragement and love. Sometimes that will mean respectfully pointing out ways a person is wandering away from God. We see this in good parenting; loving parents not only encourage their children but also correct them. They always strive to do so with love but true concern for the child means confronting wrongdoing directly and not ignoring it. 

There is nothing easy about confronting another person about something as personal as sin. Thankfully, in the gospel, Jesus gives us method for doing so with the best possible chance of a good outcome. We would be wise to follow his approach, which starts small with just two people and only involves others if absolutely necessary. We also can’t hope to give correction if we aren’t first open to receive it. Every one of us is imperfect and sinful in some way. We must be humble enough to accept charitable criticism from the prophets God sends into our lives. The experience of receiving correction prepares us to offer it compassionately. We know how the first reaction we feel is often shame, pride, anger, or defensiveness. It doesn’t mean the person is wrong but often our first response to correction is pushing back or lashing out. Understanding this helps us to be kind to the person who loves us enough to point out our sins. It also allows us to absorb the feelings of those whom we correct without taking it personally.

  

Ultimately, we aren’t having these difficult conversations with others using our standards, trying to get our way, or seeking to make life easier for ourselves. We are not trying to win or be right! Instead we are trying to win the person back to Christ and his saving truth. We are doing for them what we would want someone to do for us if we were in the same situation. And so our motivation should always be love and compassion for the other person. To help us have the proper intentions, we must pray about the situation and for the person before we ever open our mouths. We should be respectful and make sure not to talk to everyone else about their faults and weaknesses. Just as we appreciate someone coming directly to us about a problem, so we should do for others. Everything we do should be motivated by Godly love. May you and I be humble servants of God’s truth, willing to speak up respectfully and humbly when someone has wandered from God. If we do so with love, God might use that as the first moment of a conversion that brings a person closer to him for all eternity! 

Truth and Friendship (22nd Sunday, Year A)

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One of the last academic requirements in seminary, before we were cast into the wilderness called parish ministry, was to write a thesis paper and defend it before a panel of our professors. It had to be at least 50 pages, have numerous citations from different sources, be formatted properly, so on and so forth- in other words, not something you just pump out in a weekend after months of procrastinating! As someone who likes to tinker with fonts, margins, and spacing to eke out the bare minimum, this was a daunting task. If I was going to get this done, I had to write about something I was interested in. So I chose spiritual friendship and ended up finishing my thesis 6 months early with 20 pages more than I needed! In my reflecting and writing about friendship, one particular quote from the book of Sirach has always stuck with me, “Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.” 

Thinking of my friendships throughout the years, they truly are my greatest treasure. But what is the distinction between an acquaintance and a friend? How do you know when someone becomes that sturdy shelter you can rely on? Once again, the author of Sirach offers some helpful guidance! “Let those who are friendly to you be many, but one in a thousand your confidant. When you gain friends, gain them through testing, and do not be quick to trust them. For there are friends when it suits them, but they will not be around in time of trouble.” If I were to add anything, it would simply be this: “A true friend tells you the truth, no matter how difficult. They will speak up when you have broccoli in your teeth, when your shirt is a little too tight and needs to be retired or the shoes that you’ve been wearing for ten years are out of style and belong in a museum. A true friend will stop you when you try to talk like the cool kids, using slang and won’t care when you protest with the excuse, “well, Fr. Schneier says things are “fire”! Authentic friendship is based in truth and true friends want what is best for each other, even when that is difficult, painful, and sacrificial. That’s why a real friend is so rare and precious. So often, we stop short of the mark and just say what people want to hear, thinking more of feelings than eternal destiny.

In our first reading, we hear the heartfelt lament of Jeremiah, who is a true friend of the Lord and his loyal prophet. He expresses something we’ve all felt before when our commitment to God’s truth gets in the way of just getting along and blending in with others. Part of Jeremiah wants to stop sharing the Lord’s message because it gets him in trouble and makes him unpopular. Jeremiah continues to speak in the name of the Lord because he has seen the love and the wisdom of God. Whenever he tried to remain silent about this great truth, he experienced a burning in his heart, a scorching heat in his bones. And so, despite the mockery and punishment that awaits him, because of his friendship with God and his love for the Lord’s people, Jeremiah can’t help but speak the truth.

We see the same thing happening in the Gospel today. Jesus begins to tell his apostles that he must go to Jerusalem, where he will suffer and die. Simon Peter, who was praised by Christ just a few moments before, cannot believe this crazy idea and scolds Jesus for speaking this way. And what does the Lord say to him? “Get behind me Satan, you are not thinking as God does, but as human beings do.” Anyone who wants to follow him must be prepared to take up their cross and lay down their very life in service of the truth. Jesus makes it clear that following him is a complete act of faith that will involve suffering and courage. Jesus shares this difficult truth with Peter and the apostles, he corrects their mistaken notion of glory and greatness even though it created an awkward, painful moment. He wants them to know the truth, even if that truth makes them upset, angry, or uncomfortable because he loves and respects them too much to offer anything less.

Jesus offers this same profound friendship to us! Jesus loves you and me enough to tell us the truth about ourselves if we want to hear it. Those who use other people rarely tell them hard truths. It’s too risky; pointing out their failings may result in offense and rejection. But love will take the risk, because love always goes after what is best for the beloved. A true friend will tell you when you’re wrong so you can get back on the right track. Jesus is that true friend to Peter and he is that loyal friend to us, always for our own good and everlasting happiness. 

Jesus continues to love and guide us in friendship through his Church. This is how he remains with us always, even til the end of the age. It’s also why the Catholic Church often insists on maintaining the difficult truths that people don’t want to hear on things like marriage and family life, contraception, divorce and remarriage, human sexuality, abortion, the need for attending Mass every Sunday, frequent confession, and so many other topics we are tempted to just leave alone and be silent about. Often we shy away, we leave it to someone else, and we might even complain, rebel, or lash out when difficult things are brought up concerning ways we we are out of step with Church teaching. But if Jesus loved Peter enough to correct him so directly and clearly, how can the Church do anything less? It was a risk for Jesus to admonish Peter, who might have taken offense and stormed off, never to return. It is a risk for the Church to continue speaking out on these truths and admonishing those who stray. Many Catholics get angry and decide to leave. But for us and for the Church to remain silent about God’s truth, in the hopes of placating guilty consciences or creating superficial friendships, this would be failing to truly love others as we are called!

This week, our scriptures ask us to examine our commitment to the truth and whether we are ready to endure hardship for its sake. Are we willing to speak the truth to others, in love of course, but always truth in its pure, unvarnished form? Or do we tend towards silence when truth gets difficult? If so, what kind of friends are we to God and to others? True friendship requires sharing the truth, even when it’s difficult. Lastly, how do we receive correction when we wander from the way of truth? Do we take our medicine as Peter did from the Lord? Or do we lash out, punishing the messenger, resenting the Church for speaking the hard truths that challenge, confound, and convict us? May you and I be in love with what is true! May we be willing to hear it, speak it, and defend it! And may we never forget that any hardship suffered for it’s sake will be rewarded with everlasting joy and glory!