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Our readings this morning center around the tension that exists between fear and faith, insecurity and trust, persecution and vindication. From an early age, most of us have been taught that God always wins, he never gives us more than we can handle and yet, don’t we sometimes find ourselves in situations that seem terrifying, overwhelming, and just too much. In my own limited experience, it is difficult to hold onto both realities at the same time; very often in times of fear and suffering, there is that nagging doubt: “where is God?” “Maybe I was wrong to trust in Him.” It is only later, when we make it through the crucible that we see God’s triumph and protection. As Christians, one of the great gifts we have to offer is what we hear Jesus say several times to his apostles in the gospel, “Do not be afraid!” That message can be transformative and healing but it is not so simple as just telling someone, “Don’t worry, be happy!”
As I was praying with these readings, a memory came to me about the first time I remember being overwhelmed with fear, absolutely certain that my life was over. I suppose I was 5 or 6 and I was riding my bike on the side of our house in Hazelwood. One of my delinquent siblings had left a broom laying across the path and it was really causing trouble as I went back and forth. In frustration, I hopped off my bike and gave the broom a rage-inspired heave-ho…right through our neighbor’s basement window. I was horrified because these were the scary neighbors and as luck would have it, I soon heard sirens in the distance. In my mind, I was going to jail, my freedom was gone, and I was going to be another statistic of a young life squandered by crime. I ran inside and hid behind the couch, holding our pet rabbit for what I was sure was the last time. I waited for the cops to arrive, and waited, and waited. After what seemed forever, I worked up the courage to tell mom what I had done and was shocked by how amused and unconcerned she seemed to be. Was I being raised by a criminal who delighted in the destruction of property?! After my frantic recounting of the events and a lengthy pouring out of my fears, mom simply said, “it will be fine; let’s go talk to them.” When the neighbors opened the door and heard the story, they just sort of laughed and said it was no big deal. My mom assured them that we would pay for the piece of glass and that was it! I remember feeling so relieved and joyful after it was done and truly marveling that I had been delivered from the fate my imagination had pronounced!
So many times in our lives, we go through this process of fear and doom. We mess up, we miss out, or someone hurts us and some part of us thinks our situation is hopeless and cannot be fixed. It seems funny when it’s kid-stuff but it isn’t funny for the person going through it. As we move through life, we long for the simple times when the biggest mistake or worry was a bad grade or a broken piece of glass. For those who have been through the trials and tribulations of life, a perspective is gained that realizes our fears are usually much worse than reality, nothing is hopeless; God prevails. We emerge from these valleys wiser, stronger, more courageous and resilient than ever. We also learn what is actually important and what doesn’t really matter. Every parent has consoled a child who did poorly on a test or homework assignment and thinks their life is ruined. Every parent has comforted their teen lamenting their first breakup, wondering if they will ever love again. Each one of us looks back on moments of our lives where we were afraid, desperate, or down, knowing now that it wasn’t the end of the world. Do we take time to draw these same lessons about our spiritual lives and the the fears that face our soul?
Jesus has just given the apostles the authority to heal, preach, and cast out demons. He tells them to make haste and go to the Chosen people with his Good News. They are pumped. Then he warns them, you will be rejected, persecuted, and run out. But do not be afraid; they cannot hurt your spirit if you stay true to me. In other words, ‘I care for you; God cares for you. No matter what, don’t worry about what they say or think about you. Don’t worry about what they threaten or do. But make sure and acknowledge me before them and I will acknowledge you before the Father. If you deny me before them, I will deny you before the Father.’
Think about this line, especially in light of the many fears you and I often act out of. Notice how Jesus doesn’t say we have to win every argument or look like the smartest person in the room; he just asks us to acknowledge him before others. Are there times when we fear rejection from society, from co-workers, friends, or even our family…and so we deny Jesus and the truths of his gospel? Are there times we want people to like us so we keep our mouths shut about Gospel teaching, especially as it relates to marriage, human dignity, and sexuality? Does our fear of being cancelled, labelled, or cast out from the in-crowd drive us to deny Jesus with our silence when we hear Catholic values and beliefs being mocked or misrepresented? Do we sometimes value the idea that we don’t want to rock the boat, that we just want to be normal and blend in, and so we choose not to share how faith guides our choices and beliefs? I often hear that there is a silent majority when it comes to Christian values in our society. But Jesus places no value on a silent majority nor on followers who remain quiet in the face of fear or hardship. To him, silence is not golden, silence is denial and a lack of trust that he will be with us through it all.
To wrap up, I look back at so many things that I thought were absolutely most important and at mistakes I thought were insurmountable. None of them matter anymore and most have been completely forgotten. I believe at the end of our lives, we will look back at most of the fears, insecurities, and spiritual hesitations that seem so important now and we will realize, next to God’s love and power, they mean nothing, they have no power. Let’s make sure we don’t have this “Eureka moment” too late! Let’s resolve to acknowledge Jesus and his teaching on the tough issues of our times so that he will acknowledge us before his heavenly Father. We see the ways he kept his promise to the apostles and he will keep his promise to us too!
