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Readings are about humility
Lots of misconceptions about what humility is: last in line, denying praise, making compliments awkward or minimizing our gifts.
Sometimes we get a better sense of what something is by looking at what it is not. The opposite of humility is vanity. Vanity is the inordinate worry about how we appear to others.
It is ok and even good to be aware of how we come across to others and the impression we make. This awareness moves us to good habits like chewing with our mouth closed, having good hygiene, being able to converse politely with others and are not vanity.
Story of Ms. Manners in seminary,
Manners were not to make us pretentious or fancy; manners are for others. A healthy self-awareness fosters respect and consideration for the people around us. It is a bridge to others and to God.
Vanity takes that introspection, which is supposed to make us more available and thoughtful to others and God, and makes it all about me….
So what does that look like?
I would offer four sure symptoms that each of us should look for in our life.
- Everything is always about us: dominating conversations, oblivious to the feelings of others, failing to ask about them and actually listen, placing ourselves first whenever there is a conflict or a chance to compromise
2) We are never wrong and always have an excuse for everything: 1st reading tells us that the wise love proverbs, in other words, the humble person is always learning. The fool is the one who can never be taught because he already knows everything out there. Even when he is wrong, he is right. In the spiritual life, it looks like this: the holy person wants to see their sins because then they can be forgiven and grow closer to God and others. The vain person refuses to acknowledge sin because they think it weakens them. But the way of Jesus is full of irony. The greatest in his kingdom become so by placing themselves at the service of others, the first are the ones who put themselves last and those who will live forever in glory are they who are willing to lay down their lives for truth and goodness.
3) We care so much about what others think of us that it dictates how we act, the choices we make and the relationships we have. We change who we are to win the approval of others. We are often moral chameleons who appear one way in prayer or at church but then become someone else when we are around those whose approval we want. We live as a sort of double-agent; putting on a certain act or air, depending on who we are around. When we worry more about our reputation with others than our relationship with God and say no to the person we called to be, this is vanity!
4) The final symptom that often plagues us is that we try to hide our true selves from Jesus and gloss over how much we need him and his mercy. A common mistake in our time is thinking that God looks at us and says, “you are perfect just the way you are.” That he looks at us and sees nothing to be fixed, healed or saved. That no change is needed for redemption. Ah, but if that is true, why did he send Jesus to die on the cross? Why is confession one of the seven sacraments Jesus gave to the Church? Why do we begin each Mass by acknowledging our sins and the ways we have failed? Vanity makes us think too highly of ourselves and too little of our sinfulness. Once again, that irony rings true: if you want to receive God’s love and mercy, if you want to be healed and transformed, come before God as you really are, warts and all. Do not hide from him like Adam and Eve did in the garden! Anything less is vanity! God already knows how wounded we are and how badly we need him.
When you think about it, every healthy relationship depends on humility and is damaged by vanity. A person who is arrogant and vain can never be a good spouse, a good parent or a good friend. They are so full of themselves that they have no room for anyone else. A humble person makes a place for the other person. Sirach put it this way, "conduct your affairs with humility, and you will be loved more than a giver of gifts.”
Humility makes possible a relationship with other people. It also makes possible a relationship with God. There is a saying, "maintain your sanity by keeping two things in mind: First, God exists. Second, I am not him." To have a relationship with God, we have to stop trying to be God and accept our limitations. Faith cannot happen if we are not willing to become humble and trust in the Lord’s plan for us and for the world. How can God speak to us if we only listen to His messages that fit with our plans and desires? Many times we let our craving for control get the best of us and try to do things our way, according to our wisdom. How foolish that really is! It’s like saying to God, “step aside and let me show you how things are done.” This way of thinking and living always ends in disaster.
All of us need to let go of vanity in some way. We can easily see the arrogance and vainglory of others, but we have a harder time recognizing our own. We can either submit ourselves freely to these lessons and let God teach us through prayer, service to others, and learning more about him through Church teaching and Scripture. Or we can go the hard way getting humbled by our own pride and vanity as we inevitably discover the limitations of our own abilities and knowledge. For every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."
