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One of the vivid childhood memories I have was riding in the family van with my siblings. Inevitably, if the ride was longer than a few minutes, we would try to unbuckle our seat belts under the pretense that we had to get something off the floor or get more comfortable. My parents did their best to make us buckle up but there was always at least one child unrestrained during any given time. The excitement happened when my parents would have to slam on the brakes. The kid without a seatbelt would fly forward as a living reminder why seatbelts save lives and physics never takes a vacation. Instinctively, whenever a quick stop was needed, mom or dad’s arm swung out to try and restrain the dead meat headed their way at terminal velocity. This reaction is not unique to my mom and dad. Parents are wired to protect their children in all things. That instinct is part of the beauty and security of family life. Intuitively, parents know they must safeguard the bodies, minds, and souls of their children from anything or anyone who would seek to do them harm.
We see this protective role carried out in the Holy Family as Jesus slowly developed from tiny baby to mighty messiah and king of kings. Joseph is warned in a dream to get out of Dodge before Herod can murder Jesus. So they go into exile in Egypt until the danger passes. In today’s gospel, we can hear the anxiety and alarm in Mary’s voice after the spent three days searching for Jesus. How many worst case scenarios were running through her head as she tried to find him? His safety and well-being were always on the mind of Mary and Joseph and Jesus respects this, as we hear that he returns to Nazareth after the incident and was obedient to them and their decisions as parents.
But families don’t just provide protection from evil and harm, as important as that is. They are also the primary place where we find the nourishment needed to grow and develop as human beings. A healthy family doesn’t just lock themselves in a castle and ride out the storm that happens in society. Good parents are constantly looking for what will feed the minds, bodies, and souls of their children. Often they do so at great personal sacrifice. But that is what love is all about. Being willing to give up something good for oneself so that your beloved can flourish and be happy.
I am always amazed and edified at the dedication of parents to work long hours and multiple jobs for years on end so their kids can go to the finest schools, wear nice clothes, and generally want for nothing. So many moms and dads go without enough sleep so their children can participate in sports, clubs, and many other extracurricular activities which produce a well-rounded person. If you were ever been sick as a child, you know that moms and dads will do anything and everything to make sure their beloved son or daughter has whatever is needed to get better. Parents are motivated by love to give their children a better life than they had, even if that means forgoing things and experiences they might want for themselves.
So much time and effort is focussed on protecting the earthly lives of our families and providing for the immediate needs of mind and body. Sometimes, after addressing these most apparent concerns, there is little energy left to consider what is needed for the growth and protection of the souls of those in our homes. And yet, of the three parts that make up the human person, the soul is the one thing that will never die. Far too often it is also the part that gets whatever is leftover, if it gets anything at all in the life of an active family.
It breaks my heart as I carry out my priestly ministry and see that fewer and fewer families view the regular practice of their faith as a core value. Sunday Mass and family prayer time is something they do if they get around to it or have some extra time on a given weekend. Otherwise, children are told their family is just too busy to go to mass. Often, weekly worship together at Mass is sacrificed for games, tournaments, practices, and other activities that will come to an end after high school or college if not sooner. But each and every child’s soul will live forever. Within our families, are we making the appropriate investment in that part of our loved one’s life as we are for other areas which are ultimately temporary? I find it sad that I have to encourage children to ask their parents to help them practice their faith and get to Mass. Can we imagine if scores of children in this parish had to ask their moms and dads to please feed them or take them to school because otherwise it wouldn’t happen? And yet this is what is going on spiritually in the lives of so many families.
Another heartbreaker is observing children and young people who have the finest electronics, cars, clothes, and education but who have very little of their parents’ undivided attention and affection. Mom and Dad are working so hard to give them things that they have forgotten to give themselves to their children. One dad told me that his children have taught him that love is spelled T-I-M-E and there is no substitute.
Good, healthy, holy families don’t just happen automatically or by chance. They grow and become such because of deliberate thought, effort, and cooperation. Everyone plays a part; it is not just on parents. Moms and Dads are not the slaves of their children just as children are not the slaves of their parents. Families are meant to be communities of love. They should be defined by respect, care, holiness, safety, and nourishment. From the moment every child is born, parents begin making plans to keep them safe, give them a great education, provide them with opportunities, and help them have the best life possible here on earth. That is good and natural and commendable. But we must also make sure we are doing the same for the souls of those entrusted to our care because that part of our loved ones will live forever, either in heaven or in hell, depending on the choices made.
This will require the same dedication, sacrifices, and difficult choices as providing for mind and body. Sometimes people will think us odd for our commitment to care for the soul. Sometimes our children or our spouse might be unenthusiastic about addressing the spiritual needs of family life. Even as a priest, there are times where the last thing I want to do is pray or offer Mass. We’ve all felt that way before but we work through it. Sometimes we might be the only ones leading the charge to care for the souls in our home. That’s not ideal but it shouldn’t stop us from doing the right thing. We can’t underestimate the witness of our good example and the ways God may be planting seeds for the future faith of our loved ones.
We are here today because of the love, nourishment, and protection of our families. They are not perfect but we owe them a debt of gratitude for all we have received in that holy community. Whatever our role in our family right now, as child or parent, let’s ask Jesus, Mary and Joseph for the grace to care for our loved ones’ minds, bodies, and souls in the best way possible!
