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Today we have a challenging Gospel as Jesus declares unequivocally the life-long permanence of marriage and reminds us that it is not a human invention but actually part of God’s plan from the very beginning. He does it with language that leaves no wiggle room for nuance or exceptions. "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her." These words upset Jesus' hearers then and they upset people today.
Before reflecting on Jesus' teaching on marriage, I would like take a step back and consider their context. This forceful teaching flows from what Jesus has been telling us in recent weeks: First, Jesus announced his own suffering, death and resurrection, then told us that each follower must take up his own cross and follow him. Peter tried to dissuade Jesus and Jesus said, "Get behind me, Satan." The other apostles also misunderstood Jesus. They started arguing about who is greatest. Jesus responded by placing a child in front of them and told them they must become like little children.
No child can claim independence. They always rely on someone else, usually their parents or someone who represents them. For that reason we have a commandment that says, "Honor your father and mother." For a young person the first person they should seek to love, honor, and obey should be their parents. Marriage, however, changes that. Jesus quotes the book of Genesis: "God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
When someone marries, their spouse now takes first place. Not everyone seems to get this! There’s the story of the newly-married guy whose wife prepared a special meal for him. "It's OK," he said, "but my mom makes it better!" That guy hasn't left his mother. Of course we must always honor our mom and dad, but when someone marries, they no longer belongs to their parents. They belong to their spouse. This is what it means when the bible says, “The two become "one flesh.”
The two can become one flesh precisely because God made us male and female. As Pope St. John Paul observed, our bodies have a language. The very shape of our bodies as men and women speaks of self-giving and receptivity. Becoming one flesh is so real and powerful that God gave it the awesome ability to create new life.
In marriage the man and woman belong completely to each other. Not like pieces of property but as free and total gifts. Living this truth is difficult. There is a joke about the woman who went to the priest and said, "Father, I want to be a humble wife, but it is hard...because he is always wrong and I am always right.” Don’t we all have this thought sometime, even if we don’t say it out loud?!
Today’s readings remind us what we were made for from the first moment of creation; we were meant to give ourselves freely to another person in humble love and service. For the majority of people in this church, that gift of self will be lived out in marriage. For a few, as a priest or religious, this gift will be given directly to God as a sign of his kingdom, where there will be no more marriage because we will be perfectly united to God. But for all of us, regardless of our individual vocation, the reality remains the same; we must give ourselves to another if we wish to be truly happy and fulfilled.
For Adam and Eve, before Original Sin, this was easy and joyful. For us, affected by sin and weakness, it is difficult. We like to hold on to our freedom and preferences while trying to impose our wishes on others. We tend to be suspicious, cynical, and wonder if we are being used or taken advantage of. But that is not what God intended. God wants us to be in community. He wants men and women to be partners, equal in dignity even as they offer different capabilities and gifts. Whether we are married or not, we can begin to restore the world to what God intended by promoting mutual respect, loving service, and generosity between men and women. The irony of our faith is that we become full of grace, joy, and peace by pouring ourselves out in service to others rather than holding back and putting ourselves first. We become strong by humbling ourselves and depending on God and each other like little children. And we find life by taking up our cross and following after Jesus.
Just imagine for a minute what a different world it would be if instead of God saying, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him,” God would have said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make an iPhone for him” or, “I will give him a TV” We might smile at the absurdity of the idea, but maybe that world is closer than we think. Are we becoming more like Adam before the creation of Eve and “alone” because we have the constant preoccupation and noise of things like smartphones, tv, and technology distracting us from communion with each other? How much has technology and entertainment interfered with the relationship people have with their spouse and children? Or, taken to the extreme, has a smartphone, social media, or sports superseded the importance of being truly present to our spouse and loved ones? If you think I’m exaggerating, go to a restaurant and watch people beholden to their phones, even as they ignore the person before them!
Many people say that traditional marriage is finished. That young people prefer to live together and when they do marry, those marriages seem so fragile. And, along with all that, a growing number redefine marriage so that it has it does not require being male and female, but any two adults who have a strong, mutual attraction.
Should we just raise the white flag, admit defeat and focus our energy somewhere else? That is tempting, but we need to look at Jesus' example. Marriage was in pretty bad shape in his time. As we heard, Moses allowed a man to simply write a note to dismiss his wife because the people had become so hardened. And in the Roman Empire, while Jesus lived, marriage was in decline. So much so that Caesar Augustus tried to strengthen traditional marriage by offering incentives to those that stayed married, but with little effect. People preferred their individual freedoms and saw commitment as a threat to pursuing pleasure. If this sounds similar to our own time, it’s because this is not a new problem!
But Jesus does not give in to discouragement. He knows the human heart and how noble it can be when it cooperates with his grace. He sees beyond our immediate troubles and weakness and goes back to the very beginning, before we were wounded by sin. If God does not give up on us or on marriage, neither should we. We are indeed presented with a difficult and challenging teaching. It requires courage and humility, but is worth any sacrifice. It is what we were made for and it is what will lead us back to the original happiness and harmony God intended for the world.
