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It’s difficult not to be sentimental this time of year, even for a crusty German like me! This season of celebration and being together as family contains so many happy memories for me growing up. The frenzy of excitement as we cleaned and decorated our little house in Hazelwood so we could host my mom’s family on Christmas Eve. The impatient praying at Midnight Mass, which actually started at midnight, at St. Agatha’s parish in South St. Louis, anticipating the many gifts that would appear under the tree a few hours later. The waking up at the crack of dawn to stare at the mountain of gifts Santa had brought. The lazy days between Christmas and New Year’s Day where we could play games for hours, enjoy having dad home from work, eat the leftovers from special Christmas feasts, and put our new gifts through their paces. What wonderful times those were! What simple pleasures! But what made these memories most special was not the gifts, the food, or the time of relaxing. What made the memories an everlasting joy were the people, my family. Despite our expected arguing, bickering, and occasional grudges, my family has and continues to be, a place of joy, strength, refuge, accountability, and faith. I hope you can say something similar as you think of your own families who loved and formed you!
The human family is not simply an evolutionary construct or a gathering of convenience; it's part of God’s plan. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that the family is the “domestic Church.” Long before we went to Catholic school or PSR, or knew what was happening at Mass, we were being taught in our families how to love, how to share, how to forgive and pray. God, in his wisdom, knows that the safety, acceptance, and calm of the family is the most natural place for humans to learn how to love Him and others. That is why the family will always be sacred to God’s Church and why Church will never stop fighting to protect families from sin, evil, abuse, and redefinition.
It might surprise you to know this feast is relatively new in the history of our faith. It was not formally declared and celebrated until 1921. Of course, there was always a Holy family but the need to call people to return to family life was not so urgent until recently. For all its limitations and hardships, rural, agricultural life had a way of keeping families together, if for no other reason than the shared struggle for survival. With the dawn of the Industrial Revolution, with its many promises of improvements and innovations also came the beginning of the breakup of the family. Families moved to cities, or at least some members did. Often there were different shifts in different factories for children and parents. Long hours away from each other, day after day, year after year. Within several generations, the Church saw where this was headed and instituted a yearly reflection on what God calls each family to be.
We need this reminder now more than ever. Family life today is difficult. Has any one here not seen loved ones affected by divorce, the scourge of alcohol and narcotics, the breakdown of discipline, or profound hurts that produce grudges lasting decades?
We should pay attention to St Paul's letter to the Colossians which contains timeless advice. Apparently word had reached Paul that Christian families in that city were falling apart. And so he notes the qualities that must be present in any Christian home. "Bear with one another. Forgive one another... Over all these put on love...Christ's peace must reign in your hearts...Be thankful...Wives, cherish your husbands...Husbands, love your wives...Children, obey your parents in everything.”
What a home it would be to find all the qualities Paul mentions! It really would be a holy family! Oftentimes when we hear these things we let our cynicism win and think, “my family could never do all that.” But our Church is an everlasting optimist! She hopes for the best! With God all things are possible! That was the message last week and it is still true a week later, even with our families! How can our families grow holier if we don’t even try? We may never be the holiest family but with God’s grace we can certainly be a holy family!
Some of you may be saying, “Get your head out of the clouds, Padre! How can we relate to the Holy Family? Joseph was a celibate. Mary a virgin. Jesus the Son of God. They had it easy!” But we do Mary, Joseph, and Jesus a disservice if we fantasize their lives. Take the Christmas stable for example. We picture it as something rustic and charming. However, stables are constructed for livestock, not families. That Christmas stable was crawling with dangerous vermin and foul odors. There were no pampers, heat, or fresh water. Imagine the cold drafts. Mary and Joseph had to be sick with worry for the Infant's health. Where would the next meal for the Baby come from? Soon there would be a murderous king hunting them and the need to flee to another country. Consider, too, the teen years of Jesus. Most teens believe they know everything. Can you imagine raising one who did?! Each family has their own unique challenges to face. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph faced theirs together with faith; how do we approach ours?
We celebrate not the feast of the Perfect Family but the feast of the Holy Family. God knows, each of us comes from very imperfect families and we all contribute our fair share to the dysfunction and neurotic tendencies that are found in every home. The good news is that God loves working with imperfect people! He can make you and your loved ones holy in the course of daily family life. But we have to give him opportunities to make it happen. In our time the main dangers to family life are a lack of silence, stillness, and being present to each other. Modern life and technology constantly try to isolate us from each other and keep us running around so there is no time to truly listen even to those we live with. And let’s not forget, we are not simply waging battle against human weakness or a hostile culture. The devil hates the things God loves; families are at the top of his list to divide, distract, and destroy. But we should never be afraid or lose hope because God will always protect us if we entrust our family to him. And God most often gives us grace in ordinary moments of life. Ask yourself these questions to get the conversation started with God on how to be a holy family:
- when was the last time I gave my family my undivided attention and was completely present to them without the tv, phone, internet, or any other distraction pulling at me? Is there regular moments they know I am focused on them regardless of the other demands on my time?
- Do I make time each day to try to communicate meaningfully with the people in my home? Do I know what is on their heart or do I mostly engage in small talk? Do I listen as much as I speak? Am I willing to share my heart, including my thoughts, feelings, and desires or do I simply convey information?
- How often do I pray with my family, before meals, at the end of the day, even over the phone before ending a conversation with a family member who might be living out of town?
- Am I doing my part to make my family a domestic church? Do I act in a way that fosters a community of respect, love, warmth, compassion, forgiveness, strength, holiness, peace, service, and gratitude? Or is it all about me?
These are some of the basic things we can do in our families to create a holy environment in our homes. Holiness then fosters happiness and healthiness which we all want. May God bless our families today and heal any hurts that keep us from loving as we should. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, please help us!
