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This parable of the ten bridesmaids, five who are wise and five who are foolish, seems unthinkable these days. Who would possibly be allowed to have so many people in their bridal party with COVID 19 restrictions? Even before the pandemic, there has been a tendency for priests and pew-persons to focus on the less-important details of the parable. For example, it’s not such big deal that the foolish bridesmaids fell asleep; so did the wise ones. Nor is it helpful to be distracted by the detail that the wise did not share their oil with the others. This is not because they were somehow mean girls who were only thinking of themselves. The oil stands for something deeper that cannot be shared or given away. But more on that later. We will understand the heart of this parable if we remember it has, like all of Jesus’ stories, several layers of meaning. Some meanings are specific to the place and people he is preaching to. Others transcend 1st century Palestine and apply to all of us, regardless of where and when we live. Most important for us is to keep in mind that the lesson is not so much about 10 bridesmaids as it is about us who are supposed to be waiting for Jesus the bridegroom.
Let’s begin by digging deeper into traditional Jewish marriage practices. There were two stages to getting married. The first was the betrothal. Representatives from both families would get together and decide if the other’s son or daughter would be a good choice for their child and family. If they agreed, a dowry would be set, a marriage contract would be signed, and the couple would be legally married according to Jewish law. The betrothal was far more than an engagement. It was stage one of marriage. But the couple did not live together yet. They could remain betrothed for a year or two; no one exactly knew. This marriage process was not like ours which is meticulously planned out, sometimes minute-by-minute, by hired wedding coordinators.
After the betrothal period, stage-two of the marriage took place: the wedding celebration. Here is how it happened. The bridegroom would go the house of the bride’s father and make the final arrangements, perhaps bringing whatever part of the dowry he still owed. Then he would escort the bride from her house to his home. This joyful procession would be led by maidens carrying torches. The bride and groom would come next, followed by members of their families. Neighbors would stand at their doors cheering the young couple on, wishing them well and offering small presents. Once the procession got to the groom’s house, the chosen ones invited to the party would enter with the bride and groom. Then the doors were closed and locked. Wedding crashers and late guests were not allowed in. If you weren’t ready, you missed out, no matter who you were. The wedding feast had begun and could not be interrupted. The party could last a whole week. For most people, it would be the happiest moment of their entire life; pure uninterrupted celebration with their dearest loved ones. From that point on the couple lived together as husband and wife.
In the parable, the maidens waited for the bridegroom to arrive so they could lead the procession. The only problem is that he is delayed. The five foolish girls were not prepared for a delay. They did not plan for any difficulties or surprises. They assumed everything would go according to their plan and they could control the timeline. As a result, their lamps have gone out and they did not have any oil to replenish them. The oil the wise virgins possess is not something external like food, clothes or money. The oil refers to an inner quality: for example, honesty, holiness, or integrity. It would be like asking someone to give you their courage or their relationship with God. Even if they wanted to, it simply isn’t possible; these are things each person has to cultivate for themselves. No one can do it for them.
One of the most the most important and sobering lines in the parable comes when the foolish bridesmaids finally arrive late, and call out “Lord, Lord.” The groom responds, “I do not know you.” Even though they had been some of his dearest friends, even though they had been invited to the feast, they blew their chance to join in the celebration because they were not prepared for the big moment. They had ample time and opportunity but they squandered those chances.
Jesus’ audience would know exactly what he was talking about because this was the world they lived in. It was possible to be too late and be locked out of the feast. There comes a time when there simply are no more chances and the opportunity is lost. If you’ve ever experienced this kind of loss, you know the crushing regret that follows. You and I are living in the time of betrothal. Jesus never wants you and I to miss the chance to join him at his wedding feast, when he finally returns to escort his Bride (the Church and all her faithful ones) to the eternal wedding feast in his home (which is heaven). But he is warning us that this terrible thing is possible if we are foolish and fail to be spiritually alert.
So what are the lessons for you and me as we ponder this parable? 1) There are some things that cannot be obtained at the last minute. We are foolish if we think we control our lives and our souls so much that we can wait to find forgiveness of our sins and holiness until the last minutes of our lives. These things take time and practice to cultivate and we simply do not know the moment we will be called before God. It is possible for us to be locked out.
2) The parable also teaches us there are some things which cannot be borrowed from others. The foolish virgins realized this too late and it caused them to be absent at the most important moment of their lives. You and I cannot borrow a relationship with God, we have to forge our own. We cannot borrow a virtuous, hopeful, and kind heart, we must grow our own with the help of God’s grace. If we delay doing these things, there will come a day when it is no longer possible, when it is too late and the lamp of our soul, first filled on the day of our baptism, runs out of oil and no longer burns with the light of Christ.
So where is your soul right now? Watching and waiting for the bridegroom? Or comfortable and sleeping, distracted by worldly concerns? May God’s wisdom come upon us all and help us to anticipate the Lord’s return by the way we live our lives. May we say with the psalmist, “My soul is thirsting for you, O Lord my God,” as we watch and wait for him.
