There is something special about this time of the year, as we gather, both with our nuclear family but also with our faith family, to celebrate these Christmas mysteries. It is hard to describe, but people are different, in a good way, during this wonderful season. Of course there are always stories of someone going nuts and punching someone over a toy or stealing packages off a porch, but, by-and-large, people radiate a sense of kindness, generosity, and concern for others in this time where we commemorate Jesus’ birth.
The months of November and December are special for the Schroeder family. Not only do we have the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, but my mom and dad’s birthdays as well. This means lots of time together as a family, which has become more sacred as we have gotten older. One of the main activities every time we are reunited, in addition to eating, is catching up, telling old war stories, sharing new adventures, and of course, marveling at how we turned out so wonderful despite having such demanding parents! This extended time together during the holidays, always causes me to take a step back and reflect on how grateful I am for my family. Not only for their support, friendship, and love, but also because it’s where I was formed into who I am today. There is something sacred about our families, not because of their perfection but because of how fundamental they are to our identity as individuals. If there was one thing I hope all of us could take away from this feast today, it would be that holy families are not always perfect families. Rather they are schools of love, mercy, compassion and kindness.
The Feast of the Holy Family reminds us that Jesus grew up in the normal busy-ness of family life and he was shaped as a person by both Mary and Joseph. Pope Francis wrote in a reflection that the family is “where we learn to live with others despite our differences and to belong to one another.” That very belonging to each other and working through differences is what today’s readings are about.
In the first reading, from the book of Samuel, we hear about Hannah who conceives a son in answer to years of prayer and then when he was three years old, dedicates him to the service of the Lord in the temple. She surrenders the custody of her precious child to Eli, who will raise him and train him until he becomes one of the most righteous men in the history of Judaism. Her words could be the gold standard for any parent who wants to raise a saint, ”I prayed for this child, and the Lord granted my request. Now I, in turn, give him to the Lord; as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the Lord.”
It all sounds perfect and completely out of touch with our own experience unless we know the backstory. Hannah had a very difficult marriage with Elkanah, who, quite frankly, was a jerk. He had another wife, who mocked Hannah for her inability to bear a child. When Hannah went to Elkanah for consolation, he was defiant and said something along the lines of, “why do you need a child when you have me? I am as good as 10 sons!” When she is blessed by God with the birth of Samuel, she knows this child is not hers but God’s and that is why she gives him away to the temple once he is old enough to be separated from her. Adding to the drama, she does not ask Elkanah for his permission or blessing but tells him this is how it will be. This is probably not our idea of what a perfect marriage or family looks like, but the Church gives us this reading to remind us that holiness is found in situations that are less than perfect.
We also see tension in our gospel, with the most perfect of families, when Jesus wanders back to Jerusalem and the temple, unbeknownst to Mary and Joseph. For three days they are separated and we can only imagine how heartsick they must have been. It’s bad enough to lose your child but when that child is the Messiah, well, that doesn’t look good on a resume?! When Mary finally finds her almost-teenager, she says to him, “Son, why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been looking for you with great anxiety.” It is not hard to recognize her words to him as a scolding. How is the doctrine that Jesus is without sin compatible with this story in the Gospel about his mother having to search for him for three days?
An intriguing answer to this question is offered by Dr. Eleanor Stump, a professor at St. Louis University, She says,”The answer lies in the explanation Jesus gives his mother. He says to her, “Why were you looking for me? Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?”
'Jesus thought his mother understood his relation to God and his need to be in God’s temple. He was wrong on this, but it’s a kind of wrongness that shows something sweet in him. He is giving credit to his mother for more knowledge, more understanding, than she has. Therefore he is not dishonoring her when he takes off for three days without a word. On the contrary, Jesus is in fact honoring her by thinking of her as if she had His own knowledge and relationship with his Father.
What a thought?! Even the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph had to work through misunderstandings and assumptions! Even though they were never malicious or sinful, each of the members of Jesus’ family had to learn and grow in the knowledge and love of each other! How encouraging for us as we work through the ups and downs of family life day after day!'
Our faith lives and our family lives converge in the most ordinary places. Sacred times happen around the kitchen table, putting the children to bed for the night, and a million other unremarkable moments. Jesus is present and joyful in the family traditions and rituals we have developed, in prayers together before meals, and in the special new customs we may have created as our families have grown older and welcomed new members.
Becoming a holy family is never easy or simple. Our lives are complicated and most families have to deal with some degree of dysfunction, hurt feelings, or old wounds. But Paul’s letter to the Colossians offers us the tools we need to care for each other as he tells us to put on heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Paul must have learned a lot from his family as he notes other important skills, like “bearing with one another” and “forgiving one another” which seems like the best advice on those harder days. When we share a home, we not only have to forgive each other, but also need be aware that we need forgiveness as well, prompted by the example of God’s loving forgiveness for us all.
Today let us thank God for our families, imperfect though they may be, and believe that, in them and through them, God wants to make us holy and share his love, peace, and joy!
