Being from a large
family, one of the things we looked forward to was going to the movie
theatre together once or twice a year. Since we so seldom went to the
movies, it was a big deal for us and we would be very excited to see
something playing on the big screen, even if it was the dollar show. There
was one instance that is burned into my memory. We were preparing to go to
this movie but we were waiting on two things; we needed my dad to return
from work and my brother to do his homework. My dad arrived on time but my
brother still hadn’t completed his work. As a matter of fact, he decided
he really didn't need to finish it because he figured my parents
would give in and let him go anyway. It became clear that this was a
battle of wills between my parents and my brother. We older children had already found out how these sorts of
things ended; my brother was about
to. When my brother was unable to produce his finished assignments, my dad
loaded all of us into the van, all
of us except my brother, and we went to the movie. My mom stayed
home with my brother and he finished his homework with a biblical dose
of wailing and grinding of teeth. It was a classic example of tough
love, the kind of unpleasant but necessary experience that parents have at some
point with their children. While my brother resented this tough love at
the time, it taught him an invaluable lesson in getting his work done and
he was better off because of it.
Today, Jesus speaks to his followers about how they are to
correct one another when there has been wrongdoing. It is a biblical
lesson in tough love and something we need to hear. Jesus makes it clear that
correcting a fellow Christian is not something to be considered as
optional or just a nice idea. No,
he gives very specific guidelines on how to approach the person who has
done wrong and we would do well to learn them.
The first thing we should take note of is who initiates the correction. Jesus tells us, “ if your brother
sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him
alone.” This, in and of itself,
is difficult. Our instincts tell us that the one who caused the injury should be the one who initiates the
healing process, usually by making some sort of apology. But our Lord
tells us that the one who has been offended should get the ball rolling.
He doesn’t say to wait until
they have apologized, he doesn’t
tell us to make sure they are sorry, and he certainly doesn’t want us to wait for the person to approach us and ask
for forgiveness. Loving and forgiving like Christ is not passive; it actively seeks out those who have
separated themselves from others by their sins and offenses. Christ
is calling you and me to have this type of love for sinners. And we live
this kind of love by the way we deal with those who have hurt us.
Secondly, Jesus instructs
his disciples to tell the fault to the one who has hurt them and that
person alone. I think this is one of the hardest parts of our gospel !! How many
times have we been hurt and offended by someone and then gone and
broadcast this offense to our friends, family and anyone else who would
listen. Far too often, the last person we consider speaking to is the one
who offended us. It can be so tempting to talk to others about how we were
wronged and who hurt us. We look for sympathy, which is understandable,
but we miss an opportunity to resolve the conflict and bring one of our brothers
or sisters back to the fold. In our gospel today, Christ is teaching us a
fundamental truth; Christians are to live lives defined by love. And oftentimes, this love needs to
be “tough love”, a love that doesn’t feel good at the moment but bears
fruit in the future.
Most of our conflicts can be solved by the
one-on-one correction, but some folks are hard-headed; I know because I am
one of them. And sometimes, when approached by another
about something they have done wrong, they will deny it, rationalize it,
or make excuses. When this happens, Jesus tells us to take one or
two others with us to establish the facts and give credence to
our correction. If we think about it, this makes a lot of sense; this
is the method used in the case of an intervention with someone who is
in denial about a dependence on alcohol, drugs, or any other substance.
Finally, if the first two attempts fail to correct a wayward
brother or sister, Jesus tells us to go to the Church. This is the last
and most serious action to be taken but it also has eternal consequences.
If a person fails to listen even to the
Church, Jesus himself tells us to treat them as a tax-collector or a
gentile. What he is describing here is excommunication. That’s tough love
and it’s coming from our Lord!! But it is not done so the Church can
blatantly exercise her authority or punish a wayward member. Rather this
course of action is done in order to alert the offender to the seriousness of
their actions and to hopefully bring about reconciliation to prevent that soul
from suffering eternal punishment.
The words of Jesus in the gospel today are challenging for us and they
will never be popular. It is far easier for us to feel sorry for ourselves
when we have been hurt and commiserate with others. But Christ is calling
you and me from our natural way of
doing things to a supernatural
way of living. This Christian lifestyle involves tough love at times and
it calls us to initiate forgiveness and healing, even when we are
the ones who have been hurt. This Christ-like lifestyle is not easy but it
is the way to salvation and it is far more rewarding and joyful than a
life spent in self-pity and shallow grievances. May you and I live the
words of St. Paul in the second reading to “owe nothing to anyone, except
to love one another; Love does no evil to the neighbor; hence, love is the
fulfillment of the law.”
