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One of the challenges when preaching about humility is that many people have an incomplete idea of what the virtue actually looks like. We’ve all run into different misconceptions which tend to be defined by superficial or self-hating parodies. Some think humility means always putting yourself last in line, denying any praise you receive, or brushing off compliments in awkward ways. Others think humility means pretending you don’t have gifts or talents at all. But these are all caricatures and forms of false humility.
True humility doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself; it means thinking of yourself less. Holy humility allows us to look at ourselves with clarity and charity, both the good and the bad, and get a sense of how we appear in the eyes of God. Humility doesn’t deny the gifts God has given, it acknowledges them with joy and gratitude and then asks, “How can I use these gifts for others?”
Sometimes it helps to understand something by looking at its opposite. The opposite of humility is vanity. Vanity is the unhealthy worry about how we look in the eyes of others instead of God.
Now, it’s good to have some self-awareness. We should care about how we present ourselves: basic habits like chewing with our mouth closed, practicing good hygiene, being polite and respectful. Those aren’t vanity, they’re part of healthy consideration for others. Every year when I was in seminary, they would host a dinner class with “Miss Manners” who would attempt to wrangle 100+ seminarians to comport themselves with some dignity. Manners are not about making us fancy or pretentious. They’re about making others feel comfortable and respected. A healthy self-awareness can build bridges between us and those we are around, and those same manners can be used in our relationship with God.
Vanity, however, twists that healthy self-awareness and makes it all about me. It takes something meant to connect us with others and turns it into a spotlight shining back on ourselves.
So how do we know if vanity is creeping into our lives? Let me offer four symptoms to watch for:
First—Everything is always about us. We dominate conversations, fail to listen, and put ourselves first whenever there’s conflict. Even when we are not talking, we are preparing our response to whatever the other person is saying. A humble person makes space for others; truly listens and considers their point of view; a vain person only fills the room with themselves.
Second—We’re never wrong. The first reading says the wise love proverbs…meaning, the wise are teachable and acknowledge how much they don’t know. The humble are willing to learn, even from correction and criticism. The vain, on the other hand, never admit mistakes or always have some excuse. Spiritually, the humble want to see their sins so they can bring them to God for healing. The vain refuse to acknowledge them, thinking it’s weakness. But Jesus reminds us of the irony of the Gospel: the greatest are the servants, the first are the last, and those who admit their weakness are the ones made strong.
Third—We let the opinions of others dictate how we live. We become chameleons, acting one way at church and another way in the world, shifting who we are to win approval. Vanity makes us more concerned with reputation than with relationship; with looking good in front of others instead of being real before God. Part of being real with God is asking for help, admitting confusion with life’s mysteries, and acknowledging our inability to defeat evil by ourselves.
An especially sad example of this has surfaced in recent years whenever evil strikes. After the Annunciation school tragedy this week, some reacted negatively to the flood of promised prayers to the victims and their afflicted community. These voices loudly denounced such prayers as empty, useless, and incomplete; saying, in effect, “we don’t need prayer, we’ll solve this ourselves.” Bishop Robert Barron pointed out that this attitude is not only dismissive of faith, but it’s also a form of pride. To declare that prayer has no place in these moments of suffering is to say that we are sufficient without God, that our wisdom and strength alone will heal what is broken. It reduces prayer to a slogan instead of seeing it as the lifeline that connects us to the One who can transform hearts. And since we are in a life-and-death struggle with evil, prayer is one of the main tools we have. To try and win a spiritual battle with human efforts alone will be a tremendous mistake and always end in failure and even more suffering.
Humility, on the other hand, never abandons prayer. Yes, we work to solve the problems we face with practical, real-world solutions. But we begin by kneeling before the Lord, admitting that the deepest healing and the truest wisdom will always come from Him. And sometimes, even with prayer, terrible suffering will happen. Why is a mystery. But to give up prayer is to cut ourselves off from the very source of peace and mercy we need most.
Fourth—We hide our true selves from God. Sometimes we tell ourselves, “God thinks I’m perfect just the way I am; there is no need to change, no need for confession, no need for growth.” But if that were true, why did Jesus come? Why did He die on the Cross? Why did He give us the sacraments of mercy and healing? The truth is, God already knows our wounds and sins. Hiding them is vanity. Real humility means coming before Him honestly, acknowledging we need Him, and letting Him heal us in the ways he has established.
Every healthy relationship, whether it’s friendship, marriage, family, or faith, depends on humility and is destroyed by vanity. The vain person is too full of themselves to have room for anyone else. The humble person makes space… for others, for God.
There’s an old saying: “Keep your sanity by remembering two things: first, there is a God. Second, I am not Him.” That’s humility. Faith itself can’t happen without it. We can’t grow closer to God if we’re constantly telling Him how things should be done, instead of letting Him be Lord.
And so, the invitation this Sunday is clear: let go of vanity and embrace true humility. Either we freely choose to learn from God now through prayer, service, and openness to His Word. Or we learn the hard way, by being humbled through our pride. Jesus’ words ring as true today as when He first spoke them: “Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
