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One of the last academic requirements in seminary, before we were cast into the wilderness called parish ministry, was to write a thesis paper and defend it before a panel of our professors. It had to be at least 50 pages, have numerous citations from different sources, be formatted properly, so on and so forth- in other words, not something you just pump out in a weekend after months of procrastinating! As someone who likes to tinker with fonts, margins, and spacing to eke out the bare minimum, this was a daunting task. If I was going to get this done, I had to write about something I was interested in. So I chose spiritual friendship and ended up finishing my thesis 6 months early with 20 pages more than I needed! In my reflecting and writing about friendship, one particular quote from the book of Sirach has always stuck with me, “Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure. Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth. Faithful friends are life-saving medicine; those who fear God will find them.”
Thinking of my friendships throughout the years, they truly are my greatest treasure. But what is the distinction between an acquaintance and a friend? How do you know when someone becomes that sturdy shelter you can rely on? Once again, the author of Sirach offers some helpful guidance! “Let those who are friendly to you be many, but one in a thousand your confidant. When you gain friends, gain them through testing, and do not be quick to trust them. For there are friends when it suits them, but they will not be around in time of trouble.” If I were to add anything, it would simply be this: “A true friend tells you the truth, no matter how difficult. They will speak up when you have broccoli in your teeth, when your shirt is a little too tight and needs to be retired or the shoes that you’ve been wearing for ten years are out of style and belong in a museum. A true friend will stop you when you try to talk like the cool kids, using slang and won’t care when you protest with the excuse, “well, Fr. Schneier says things are “fire”! Authentic friendship is based in truth and true friends want what is best for each other, even when that is difficult, painful, and sacrificial. That’s why a real friend is so rare and precious. So often, we stop short of the mark and just say what people want to hear, thinking more of feelings than eternal destiny.
In our first reading, we hear the heartfelt lament of Jeremiah, who is a true friend of the Lord and his loyal prophet. He expresses something we’ve all felt before when our commitment to God’s truth gets in the way of just getting along and blending in with others. Part of Jeremiah wants to stop sharing the Lord’s message because it gets him in trouble and makes him unpopular. Jeremiah continues to speak in the name of the Lord because he has seen the love and the wisdom of God. Whenever he tried to remain silent about this great truth, he experienced a burning in his heart, a scorching heat in his bones. And so, despite the mockery and punishment that awaits him, because of his friendship with God and his love for the Lord’s people, Jeremiah can’t help but speak the truth.
We see the same thing happening in the Gospel today. Jesus begins to tell his apostles that he must go to Jerusalem, where he will suffer and die. Simon Peter, who was praised by Christ just a few moments before, cannot believe this crazy idea and scolds Jesus for speaking this way. And what does the Lord say to him? “Get behind me Satan, you are not thinking as God does, but as human beings do.” Anyone who wants to follow him must be prepared to take up their cross and lay down their very life in service of the truth. Jesus makes it clear that following him is a complete act of faith that will involve suffering and courage. Jesus shares this difficult truth with Peter and the apostles, he corrects their mistaken notion of glory and greatness even though it created an awkward, painful moment. He wants them to know the truth, even if that truth makes them upset, angry, or uncomfortable because he loves and respects them too much to offer anything less.
Jesus offers this same profound friendship to us! Jesus loves you and me enough to tell us the truth about ourselves if we want to hear it. Those who use other people rarely tell them hard truths. It’s too risky; pointing out their failings may result in offense and rejection. But love will take the risk, because love always goes after what is best for the beloved. A true friend will tell you when you’re wrong so you can get back on the right track. Jesus is that true friend to Peter and he is that loyal friend to us, always for our own good and everlasting happiness.
Jesus continues to love and guide us in friendship through his Church. This is how he remains with us always, even til the end of the age. It’s also why the Catholic Church often insists on maintaining the difficult truths that people don’t want to hear on things like marriage and family life, contraception, divorce and remarriage, human sexuality, abortion, the need for attending Mass every Sunday, frequent confession, and so many other topics we are tempted to just leave alone and be silent about. Often we shy away, we leave it to someone else, and we might even complain, rebel, or lash out when difficult things are brought up concerning ways we we are out of step with Church teaching. But if Jesus loved Peter enough to correct him so directly and clearly, how can the Church do anything less? It was a risk for Jesus to admonish Peter, who might have taken offense and stormed off, never to return. It is a risk for the Church to continue speaking out on these truths and admonishing those who stray. Many Catholics get angry and decide to leave. But for us and for the Church to remain silent about God’s truth, in the hopes of placating guilty consciences or creating superficial friendships, this would be failing to truly love others as we are called!
This week, our scriptures ask us to examine our commitment to the truth and whether we are ready to endure hardship for its sake. Are we willing to speak the truth to others, in love of course, but always truth in its pure, unvarnished form? Or do we tend towards silence when truth gets difficult? If so, what kind of friends are we to God and to others? True friendship requires sharing the truth, even when it’s difficult. Lastly, how do we receive correction when we wander from the way of truth? Do we take our medicine as Peter did from the Lord? Or do we lash out, punishing the messenger, resenting the Church for speaking the hard truths that challenge, confound, and convict us? May you and I be in love with what is true! May we be willing to hear it, speak it, and defend it! And may we never forget that any hardship suffered for it’s sake will be rewarded with everlasting joy and glory!
